BNI (Business Network International) is built on relationships, referrals, and structured networking. However, one of the most overlooked aspects of BNI is the effectiveness of 1-2-1 meetings.
Many members log these interactions simply for the stats, rather than leveraging them for real business growth. In this insightful talk, Darren Jamieson shares how to make your 1-2-1s count, ensuring they lead to meaningful referrals and better business opportunities.

The Story of a Misleading 1-2-1
Darren starts with a humorous yet eye-opening anecdote. While heading to the kitchen for a cup of tea, he had a brief four-minute conversation with a BNI member from another chapter. They exchanged pleasantries, asked about each other’s groups, and then went their separate ways. Minutes later, Darren received a notification from the BNI app—this member had logged their four-minute chat as a 1-2-1.
“Is that a 1-2-1? No. That’s a quick chat in the corridor.”
This highlights a common problem: people logging conversations as 1-2-1s just to boost their stats, without actually taking meaningful action from the interaction.
What Makes a 1-2-1 Effective?
Many BNI members believe that simply having 1-2-1s will bring in business, but not all meetings are created equal. Darren explains that a productive 1-2-1 should include the following elements:
- A Clear Purpose – Are you looking for referrals? Do you need introductions? Be clear on what you want to achieve.
- An Action Plan – At the end of the meeting, both parties should commit to an action, whether it’s making an introduction or following up on a lead.
- Mutual Benefit – It’s not just about you; it’s about how both parties can help each other.
- Education – Teach the other person how to introduce you. Be specific about your ideal client and the referrals you’re looking for.
“If you’re not setting an action after the 1-2-1, you’re not having a 1-2-1. You’re having a chat.”
The Problem with Vanity Metrics
BNI’s traffic light system measures member engagement, but Darren points out that it can sometimes be misleading. Some people rack up high numbers of 1-2-1s but never pass referrals or bring in business. If you’re only logging meetings for the sake of stats, you’re missing the point.
“Some people have loads of 1-2-1s but never pass referrals. That’s because they don’t take action afterward.”
The real measure of success isn’t how many 1-2-1s you log, but how many meaningful referrals come out of them.
Training Is Key
A major issue Darren identifies is that many BNI members don’t know how to conduct a proper 1-2-1 because they haven’t taken advantage of BNI’s training resources. Training teaches members how to:
- Structure a 1-2-1 effectively
- Identify valuable referrals
- Follow up on introductions
- Maximize their networking potential
“If you’re not doing the training, you’re not going to have effective 1-2-1s. If you don’t know where to start, ask me—I’ll point you in the right direction.”
The Role of Giving in BNI
Some members approach BNI with a ‘what can I get?’ mindset rather than ‘what can I give?’ Darren challenges this mentality, explaining that those who don’t contribute—by passing referrals, attending training, and inviting guests—often don’t last long in BNI.
“If you’re not helping others, why are you here? BNI isn’t just about getting business; it’s about giving.”
The members who thrive in BNI are those who engage with the system fully, helping others while building their own business in return.
A Lesson in Accountability
Darren shares a story of a former member who left BNI, claiming it wasn’t working for them. However, they hadn’t done any training, hadn’t brought in visitors, and hadn’t passed many referrals. Instead of recognizing their own lack of engagement, they blamed their chapter.
“Rather than ask, ‘What could I do better?’ they assumed the problem was everyone else. But if they don’t change their approach, will moving to another chapter really help?”
Success in BNI requires personal responsibility. If you’re not getting results, take a step back and ask yourself: Am I putting in the effort?
Make Your 1-2-1s Work for You
Darren’s message is clear—don’t waste your time with ineffective 1-2-1s. Instead, learn how to do them properly, take action, and focus on providing value to others.
“If we all start having better 1-2-1s, we’ll all earn more money. Let’s not leave that to just a few people—we can all do this.”
By shifting your mindset and being intentional about your 1-2-1s, you’ll create stronger relationships, pass more referrals, and ultimately, grow your business.
A 1-2-1 should have a clear purpose, an action plan, and mutual benefit
- Logging meetings just for stats is a waste of time.
- Training is essential—if you haven’t done it, start now.
- Giving is just as important as receiving in BNI.
- Take responsibility for your results—success starts with you.
By implementing these strategies, you can transform your BNI experience and turn 1-2-1 meetings into real business opportunities.
Video Transcript
Thank you, Sean. I know I can count on you. Be very careful because I do pick on people!
I walked out of my office into the corridor, heading down to the kitchen to make a brew. As I made my way, someone came through the double doors from the kitchen. They were part of BNI, though I won’t reveal who it was or even use pronouns—I don’t want to narrow it down. They weren’t from our chapter but from another one.
We stopped in the corridor and had a chat. They asked how Chester BNI was doing, and I asked about their chapter. We spoke for maybe three or four minutes, and then we both went on our way—I continued to the kitchen, and they went into their office.
I placed my mug on the kitchen worktop, put the kettle on, and suddenly felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I thought, “Maybe it’s a text message, maybe a notification from Facebook or Twitter—maybe even from someone I’ve started an online debate with.” But no, it was a notification from the BNI app. Someone had logged a one-to-one with me.
I opened it up, and sure enough, they had logged a one-to-one meeting. Four minutes of casual conversation about our BNI chapters and they considered it a one-to-one. Is that really a one-to-one?
Some people in BNI believe the traffic lights system is a waste of time, while others think it’s crucial. Be honest—does anyone here think the traffic lights are pointless? Yes? A couple of you? Well, whether you think they’re useless or valuable, you’re right—because your perception is your truth.
However, if you’re the type of person who logs a four-minute corridor chat as a one-to-one, then yes, that’s a waste of time. You’re logging it purely for the stats, just to be able to say in your BNI meeting, “I had a one-to-one with Darren this week.” But in reality, we just exchanged pleasantries.
There are people in BNI who do a lot of one-to-ones—but do they pass business? Do they take action afterward? Do they set out goals?
Think about your own one-to-ones:
Do you consider who you can introduce the other person to?
Do you set an action plan?
Do you say, “I’m going to introduce you to this person” or “I’ll try to get you an introduction”?
Do you clearly explain how you want to be introduced and who you are looking for?
If you’re not doing these things, you’re not having a real one-to-one. You’re just having a chat and logging it for the stats. That’s why some people log numerous one-to-ones but don’t pass referrals.
This comes down to training. If you haven’t attended training, you won’t know how to conduct an effective one-to-one. I can’t teach you that in three to five minutes, but there are many online and in-person training sessions available. If you don’t know where to find them, ask me, and I’ll point you in the right direction. Without training, you won’t know how to pass referrals properly, and if you’re not passing referrals, you won’t receive them either.
Not logging meaningful one-to-ones means you’re missing out on referrals and, in turn, missing out on getting thanked for business. That means you’re also missing out on improving your traffic light score. If you’re not doing training, you also won’t know how to invite guests. And inviting guests isn’t just about getting points—it’s about bringing new people into the room. Guests actually do business with us. Sometimes, like Lo did recently, they even join and become referral partners.
If you don’t know how to invite guests or engage with them, you need training. But some people think they don’t need training because they’ve been in BNI for years. They believe they know everything.
If you’re one of those people—great, you’re getting business from BNI. But what are you giving back? If you’re not passing referrals, not getting thanked for business, and not supporting others, then you’re just taking from the group. And if you’re only taking, why are you here?
Some people assume that just because they are getting business, they will continue to do so. But we don’t renew everyone in BNI. The people who are in the grey or red zones are usually the ones not engaging—no one-to-ones, no training, no referrals, no guests. Yet, they expect to keep getting business.
On the other hand, some people think, “I’m not getting business from BNI; it’s not working for me.” Recently, we had someone leave to try another chapter, believing the issue was with us. But they hadn’t done any training, hadn’t invited visitors, and hadn’t been thanked for much business. Instead of asking, “What can I do differently?” they assumed the group wasn’t passing them referrals. I’ll be amazed if moving to another chapter suddenly brings them success without changing their approach.
So, whether you believe the traffic lights are useful or useless, you’re right. But ask yourself—what do you want from BNI? And what do you want to keep getting from BNI?
Don’t waste time logging empty one-to-ones. Learn how to do them properly. If you need help finding training, ask me. Let’s all start earning more money together instead of just a few people benefiting. You look at me, you look at Zoe, and you wonder why we’re making a lot from BNI—it’s because we’re doing it right. And you can too.
Thank you.