When it comes to BNI, the goal is simple: generate referrals. However, many members have lost sight of how best to use their most powerful tool—the 10-minute presentation. In a recent talk at BNI, Darren Jamieson delivered a refreshing and blunt reminder of what really matters during those 10 minutes: creating an emotionally charged connection (ECC) that makes people want to refer you.

In typical Darren fashion, with a heavy dose of humor and brutal honesty, he broke down how passion—or a deeper emotional drive—can transform your 10-minute spotlight into a referral-generating powerhouse.

Why Most BNI 10-Minute Presentations Fail

“When I said I was going to do this about the emotionally charged connection, they said, ‘Oh Mr 1% Empathy is going to talk to you about an emotionally charged connection. That’ll be interesting!'”

Darren opened by pointing out a common mistake: many BNI members misuse their 10 minutes. Some get bogged down in the technicalities of their business, describing services in painstaking detail that no one will remember. Others veer into personal territory, sharing stories about families, pets, or hobbies—details that, while charming, do little to generate referrals.

In Darren’s words:

“Quite frankly, none of us needs to know that. And we’ll all have forgotten it by the time you finish speaking anyway.”

Instead, Darren insisted, the 10-minute presentation has one purpose:
“Your BNI 10 minutes has three core functions: to help you get more referrals, to help you get more referrals, and to help you get more referrals.”

Two Ways to Get More Referrals

So, if talking about technical processes and weekend hobbies doesn’t work, what does? Darren outlined two powerful methods:

1. Show Unapologetic Passion for Your Business

First, you can convey your “unbridled, unapologetic, undeniable passion” for what you do. Passion is contagious. If your chapter members can feel how much you love your work, they’ll feel more confident referring you.

Darren highlighted Ray Jones as a stellar example:

“Ray shows his passion for food photography to such a degree that you know if you recommend Ray to a high-end restaurant, not only would he do an unbelievable job, but that venue would thank you for the referral.”

For those who naturally love their work, this path is straightforward—share your passion loudly and clearly during your presentation.

2. Share Your Emotionally Charged Connection (ECC)

But what if you’re not wildly passionate about your work? Not every career path is a calling, and that’s okay. In that case, Darren suggested, you must lean into your ECC—your deeper, emotional “why.”

Your ECC is the emotional driver that explains why you do what you do. It’s not simply “to provide for my family”—because if it were, you’d get a safe, salaried job. Running a business involves uncertainty, stress, and risk, which means something more profound must be motivating you.

He shared his own vulnerable story:

“All throughout my life I’ve been told I’m not good enough. My school teacher in art said, ‘Don’t do A-levels; you’re not good enough.’ My dad said, ‘The degree you’re doing is pointless.’ All my life, I was told I would fail. That is why I need to be the best. That’s why I’m the number one member in BNI in the region.”

This relentless drive to prove himself fuels Darren’s business success—not love for websites, but a deeper emotional need to win, to succeed, and to be the best.

Why ECC Matters

Darren’s key point is that referrals are not just about trust or liking someone—they are about believing in someone’s conviction. People refer individuals who are clearly driven, focused, and emotionally connected to their work.

“You don’t need empathy to do this,” Darren emphasised. “You need empathetic people to listen.”

An ECC doesn’t have to be sentimental or tearful. It just has to be real. It has to connect your personal story to the business persona you present, so others feel that emotional alignment and trust you enough to refer you.

He encouraged everyone to explore their own ECC:

“Ask yourself why. Keep drilling back. What drives you to get out of bed and run your business?”

How to Craft Your 10-Minute Presentation

To maximise your 10 minutes in BNI:

• Ditch the technical details: Nobody will remember your service descriptions.
• Forget about family stories: Unless they directly relate to your ECC, they won’t move the needle.
• Focus on passion or ECC: Share either your love for your work or your emotionally charged “why.”
• Tell personal, meaningful stories: Vulnerability builds trust and memorable impressions.

If you’re stuck, Darren recommended looking at top speakers like Andy Harrington or Rob Moore, who both successfully incorporate emotionally charged connections into their talks.

Conclusion: Get Real to Get Referrals

Darren Jamieson’s message was crystal clear: if you want more referrals in BNI, you must stop playing it safe. Ditch the boring technical presentations and the irrelevant personal anecdotes. Instead, harness your passion or your emotionally charged connection to create a compelling, memorable 10 minutes.

When people can feel your passion—or the deep, emotional reason behind your work—they’ll trust you more, believe in you more, and, most importantly, refer you more.

“If you can do that within your 10 minutes, within everything you do within BNI, you will make people in the room want to refer you—and you will get more referrals.”

Full Transcript

When I said I was going to speak about the Emotionally Charged Connection today, people said, “Oh, Mr. 1% Empathy is going to talk about emotional connections? That’ll be interesting. He’s borderline sociopath!” [Laughter]

Many BNI members—not just here, but all around the world—have lost sight of what the 10-minute presentation is really supposed to be. Some members use their 10 minutes to dive into the intricate minutiae of what they do, how they do it, the details of their business. Honestly, none of us need to know that. And, frankly, we’ll have forgotten it by the time you finish speaking.

(00:36)
Other members spend their 10 minutes talking about their family, their spouse, kids, hobbies, pets, holidays, and what they enjoy doing in their spare time. Again, while it’s nice, nobody actually cares about that either—at least, not during your 10 minutes.

Your 10-minute presentation in BNI has three core purposes. Three. And you’ll want to write these down. They can be in any order, but I’ve ordered them for you today:
First, help you get more referrals.
Second, help you get more referrals.
And third, you guessed it, help you get more referrals.

(01:08)
You might be thinking, “But BNI is about know, like, and trust. If people don’t know me and like me, they won’t trust me, and they won’t refer me. So shouldn’t I talk about my family and hobbies?”

No. Most people like to socialise, have hobbies, go on holiday. It doesn’t make anyone want to refer you. The purpose of your 10 minutes is to make people want to refer you—and there are two ways you can do that.

(01:48)
The first way is to convey your unbridled, unapologetic, undeniable passion for what you do. You should love what you do so much that when someone refers you, they know with absolute certainty you’ll do an amazing job.

Ray Jones is fantastic at this. Ray uses video during his 10 minutes—and usually I wouldn’t recommend video, but Ray does it so effectively. He shows such immense passion for food photography that if you referred him to a high-end restaurant, the venue would thank you for introducing them to him because he elevates what they do.

(02:28)
Your passion tells the story of why you do what you do and makes people want to refer you.

But you might be sitting there thinking, “Well, that’s fine for Ray. But what about those of us who aren’t passionate about our careers? What about people who just fell into what they do?”

That’s okay. There’s another method—and that’s the Emotionally Charged Connection (ECC).

(02:58)
The ECC is about why you do what you do. What drives you? What gets you out of bed in the morning? What makes you run your own business instead of just taking a job?

Most people, when asked, say, “It’s to provide for my family.” But that’s not it. If providing for your family were the only reason, you’d just get a secure job—with a guaranteed salary, no stress about clients or invoices. Running your own business is harder.

So ask yourself: Why do you really do what you do?

(03:35)
Shaun is very good at this. He doesn’t always use it in his 10 minutes, but if you have a one-to-one with him and he trusts you, he’ll share his emotionally charged connection. I’m not going to reveal it—that’s Shaun’s story to tell—but it’s powerful.

Finding your ECC isn’t always easy. It takes work. You have to dig deep.

Most people initially say, “It’s about providing for my family.” But why? Keep asking why—drill back. For many, it will trace back to something from childhood.

(04:06)
Let me give you an example from my own life.

Why do I do what I do? I build the best websites I can for my clients.
Is it because I love helping people?
No, not really.
As Gail and Shan pointed out, when I said I was going to talk about emotional connections, they laughed: “Mr. 1% Empathy talking about emotional connection—that’ll be interesting!” [Laughter]

You don’t need empathy to discover your ECC—you just need empathy from your listeners.

(05:10)
So do I build websites because I care deeply about my clients? Not exactly.
I do it because I have to be the best.

Why do I need to be the best?
Because throughout my life, people told me I wasn’t good enough.

At school, my art teacher told me not to bother with A-levels.
My dad told me my GCSEs were a waste of time, my A-levels were pointless, my degree was useless.

All my life, I’ve been told I’m not good enough. That’s what drives me to prove that I am good enough. That’s why I work so hard, why I strive to be number one—not just for my clients, but for myself.

(06:07)
That’s why I was the number one member in BNI in the region. Sorry Mike. [Laughter]
I have to win. Even in quizzes, my goal is to win.

When I work for a client, I make their website the best, not purely because I want to help them—but because I cannot accept second place.

(06:38)
That is my emotionally charged connection.
And you need to find yours.

If you’re sitting here thinking, “This sounds like mumbo jumbo,” just listen to some of the best public speakers and sales trainers in the world. Andy Harrington talks about this. Rob Moore talks about it.

They will tell you their stories—tracing back to something in their childhood that triggered their drive. And when you incorporate your emotionally charged connection into your BNI presentations, into your conversations, people will want to refer you.

(07:09)
And when people want to refer you, you’ll get more referrals.

Thank you. [Applause]