At a recent BNI event, Paul Murray, a seasoned speaker and networking expert, delivered an engaging presentation designed to underscore a critical lesson in effective networking: clarity in communication. His innovative exercise, meant to demonstrate the importance of specificity in referral requests, provided powerful insights for anyone looking to improve their networking skills and results.

Clarity: An Essential Element of Effective Networking

Paul began his session with an interactive exercise. Participants were instructed to close their eyes, hold a piece of A4 paper, and follow a series of straightforward instructions without asking questions. These instructions – simple actions like folding paper and tearing corners – resulted in remarkably varied outcomes, despite each participant receiving identical guidance.

As participants compared their drastically different paper results, Paul illustrated a crucial point: “Everybody heard exactly the same instructions, but the results are all different.” This visual demonstration brought clarity to Paul’s message: effective communication isn’t about what you say; it’s about what’s heard and understood.

“It is Not What is Said, it is What is Heard”

Paul emphasised a common misconception in networking and referral marketing, stating clearly: “It is not what is said, it is what is heard. That’s important.” He further explained that when BNI members deliver their weekly 60-second presentations, they often assume their intended message is clear. However, the reality can differ significantly. Misinterpretations can lead to ineffective referrals, missed opportunities, and ultimately frustration.

Paul shared an illustrative example involving a hypothetical scenario with BNI member Dave Tilston. If Dave’s messaging inadvertently suggests he installs carpets, he may receive inappropriate referrals, like requests for small linoleum installations – an ineffective result of unclear communication. The lesson? Specificity is essential in ensuring others understand precisely who and what you’re seeking.

Refining Your Referral Requests

Paul suggested practical strategies to improve communication clarity. One effective method is encouraging listeners to repeat your referral request back to you, ensuring alignment between what you intended to communicate and what they understood. Paul reinforced this tactic, noting:

“Make sure the person you’re meeting understands the message that you are giving. Ask them to repeat it back to you so that their understanding of the message is what you want them to have.”

This exercise not only clarifies the message but also trains both the speaker and listener to practice active, attentive listening – crucial skills for effective networking and meaningful referrals.

The Impact on Long-Term Networking Success

Paul highlighted the broader implications of clear communication beyond just the 60-second pitch. Whether in extended feature presentations, one-to-one meetings, or casual open networking sessions, clarity remains paramount. “Word-of-mouth marketing is all about putting words in other people’s minds and mouths,” Paul emphasised. Without precise communication, networking efforts can easily become diluted or ineffective.

To reinforce his point, Paul mentioned his personal example of refining his referral request from “students traveling to Asia” to something far more specific and actionable. By clearly identifying the exact type of referrals he sought, he significantly increased his chances of receiving valuable, targeted referrals.

Key Quotes from Paul Murray’s Session

• “It is not what is said, it is what is heard.”
• “Word-of-mouth marketing is all about putting words in other people’s minds and mouths.”
• “Make sure the message you give is the message you want heard.”

Conclusion

Paul Murray’s session at BNI provided attendees with a clear understanding of how crucial specificity is in referral marketing. By demonstrating through a practical exercise, he effectively showed that even simple instructions could be misinterpreted if not clearly communicated. Networking success hinges not only on the words spoken but on the clarity with which those words are understood and acted upon.

As Paul succinctly concluded, clarity in your message is the key to sustained networking success. Whether you’re preparing your next 60-second pitch or engaging in casual networking, always ask yourself: how clear is your message?

Full transcript

(00:00)
Fold the piece of paper in half. No questions, Sean. Um, right. How clear is your message? That’s the important thing. So, in front of you on your table, you should all have a piece of plain A4 paper in the middle of the table. So, please take a piece of paper. If you’ve seen this before and you’ve been around a while, please do not participate before your time comes.

(00:39)
So, make sure you’ve got a piece of A4 paper in your hands and in front of you. That’s the first thing. You’ll need that for the next one minute. I’m going to ask you to do something very, very scary. Very scary indeed. I’m going to ask you to close your eyes, okay? No cheating. No, she can’t. Just close your eyes and listen carefully.

(01:02)
And remember, keep your eyes closed until I tell you to open them. That includes you, Yik. And you, Dave. And you, Dave. I’m going to give you five simple instructions to follow to do with your sheet of paper. You don’t need a pen. You just need the paper. And you’ve got to do this while your eyes are closed.

(01:28)
Including our guests. Find your paper first and then close your eyes. Yeah. In case you’re getting mixed up, Sean, stop. Behave yourself. So, follow the instructions as best you can. I am not going to repeat them, and you can’t ask me any questions. Are you ready to go? Say yes. Eyes closed and no peeking. Okay, here we go. Fold the piece of paper in half.

(01:59)
No questions, Sean. Number two, fold the piece of paper in half again. Number three—blind dog. Oh, Sean, just behave yourself. Number three, tear off the top left-hand corner. Number four, turn the paper around. Number five, tear off the top right corner. Now, open your eyes, open up your sheet of paper, and take a look at it.

(03:11)
Now, look at the person next to you. Does yours look the same? Okay. Here’s the message. I gave you five simple instructions, and this is what some of you heard. So, there’s mine. Oh dear. Oh dear. Yes. Have you failed? Yeah. Well, it’s like a mess. Where’s—this is what Raymond found.

(03:50)
Anybody got one of them? Yeah, you’ve got one the other way around. Okay, fine. That’s fine. That’s no problem. You can see now that everybody heard exactly the same instructions, but the results are all different. There are some similar in the room, but they’re all different because there are different sizes and stuff.

(04:12)
Now imagine that this is your 60-second presentation. You’ve just delivered your message to the chapter. It also applies to 10-minute presentations or feature presentations. It applies to one-to-ones and it applies to open networking. So, word-of-mouth marketing is all about putting words in other people’s minds and their mouths. Make sure that the message that you give in your 60 seconds is the message that you want to be heard by your fellow members.

(04:46)
It is not what is said; it is what is heard that’s important. So, think about this. At the next one-to-one meeting that you go into, make sure the person you’re meeting understands the message that you are giving. Ask them to repeat it back to you so that their understanding of the message is what you want them to have. Because it is not what is said that matters.

(05:10)
It’s what your fellow members hear. So, it’s not what you tell them that matters, it’s what they hear that matters. And what really matters is what they do with the instruction that you give them. So, for example, if Dave Tilston gives the wrong message and it’s interpreted by people to say he’s looking to put carpets down, and someone comes back and says, “I’ve got somebody who wants two square yards of lino,” it’s not what he wants to do.

(05:38)
So, we have to be more specific in what he’s after. I asked last week for introductions to students going away to Asia for backpacking trips, and today I’m going to embellish on that because I found out what I can do to make it clearer for you all to help me. Hopefully, you’ll see the difference between last week’s 60 seconds and this week’s 60 seconds when it comes around.

(06:05)
So that’s one of the keys to your long-term referral marketing success, and the title of that is “How Clear Is Your Message?” Thank you.