In a recent BNI Education Slot, Darren Jamieson shared a powerful message for members: stop telling your chapter you’re “too busy for referrals”.

It may seem like a reasonable statement when you’re swamped with work, but Darren explains how it can cause lasting harm to your business relationships and pipeline.

https://youtu.be/EBHA3Rwz4Ro

Why Saying “Don’t Refer Me” Backfires

When you tell members not to refer you, they remember it – often long after you need referrals again. Not everyone attends every meeting, so even if you later announce that you’re ready for more work, the people who first heard “don’t refer me” might miss that update entirely.

It can also create tension within the group. Members who are struggling to gain traction may hear you say you’re overwhelmed with work and feel less inclined to support you, instead focusing on people who they believe need help more.

The Pipeline Problem

The biggest issue, however, is what Darren calls the “sales pipeline”. Like a lorry on a motorway, your referrals need constant momentum. When you tell people to stop referring you, you slam the brakes. Restarting that momentum isn’t instant – it takes time and effort to get things moving again.

Smarter Alternatives

Instead of asking for referrals to stop, Darren suggests making more strategic asks. For instance, you can request introductions to referral partners such as accountants or marketing strategists who can bring you long-term business.

Another strategy is to embrace what BNI founder Dr Ivan Misner calls “Coopetition”. By building relationships with your competitors, you can pass on work you can’t handle and potentially receive referrals in return.

Final Thoughts

Darren’s message is clear: never stand up in a BNI meeting and say, “Please don’t refer me.” Instead, use busy periods to strengthen your network, build partnerships, and keep your pipeline alive.

Full Transcript:

[00:00] Darren Jamieson:
On this BNI Education Slot, I’m going to talk about something I see happen far too often within BNI. It’s a mistake that members really shouldn’t be making.

[00:26]
Typically, this happens with trades, but I’ve also seen it happen with creatives and other industries. What happens is this: if a member is absolutely rammed with work and can’t take any more on, during their weekly presentation they’ll say something like:

“Thank you for all the referrals I’ve had over the last few weeks. I’m really busy and I can’t take anything else on right now. So please don’t refer me for the foreseeable future. Thank you.”

Then they sit down.

[01:05]
What that’s doing is telling everybody in the room: “Don’t refer me.” I understand why someone might do it. If you’re really busy, the last thing you want to do is let people down. You don’t want to say no to a referral.

[01:42]
But the problem is, if you tell everybody in the room that you’re too busy, they’ll remember it long after you want them to.

Imagine this: a member hears you say “I’m too busy, don’t refer me.” The following week, you’re approaching the end of that work and you say, “That big project is coming to an end, so I’ll need more referrals.” But that member isn’t there.

[02:25]
The next week, he’s there but you’re away. That’s two weeks gone. He still thinks you don’t need referrals. By the time you’re both in the room again, he still assumes you’re too busy and won’t refer you.

[03:01]
Not everyone attends every week. They hear you say “don’t refer me” but not when you say “start referring me again.”

There’s another issue. Some members don’t get as much out of BNI. They might be new or struggling. They hear you say you’re overwhelmed and think, “That’s all right for you. I’ll put my effort elsewhere.”

[03:44]
The biggest problem is the sales pipeline.

Anyone who’s worked in sales knows you need a pipeline. You can’t just sell, then stop. You need appointments, one-to-ones, proposals – constant activity to keep the work coming.

[04:25]
Stopping referrals is like driving a lorry at 55mph and slamming on the brakes. You can’t just hit the accelerator and be back at 55 instantly. It takes time and effort to get moving again.

[05:14]
If you tell people to stop referring you, they will. They’ll stop thinking about you, stop talking about you, stop dropping your name into conversations.

[05:54]
So, what do you do if you’re too busy? Instead of asking for referrals to stop, ask for introductions. Referral partners, for instance – accountants, marketers, or anyone who can help build long-term business relationships.

[06:29]
Or ask for introductions to competitors. Carpet fitters meeting other carpet fitters. IT companies talking to other IT professionals. Build relationships to share work you can’t take on, sometimes with referral commissions.

[07:00]
BNI founder Dr Ivan Misner even calls this “Coopetition” – cooperating with your competitors so you can grow together.

[07:28]
So, never stand up in a BNI meeting and say, “Please don’t refer me. I’m too busy.” Instead, ask for introductions to referral partners or competitors and keep your network active.

Thank you.