In this BNI Education Slot, Darren Jamieson delivers a humorous and deliberately sarcastic talk on how to remain a grey member in BNI. Rather than presenting a straightforward list of positive behaviours, Darren flips the message around and explains what members would need to avoid if they wanted to stay at the bottom of the traffic lights.

https://youtu.be/Rn6eoHexCvA

He begins by addressing a question he says he is often asked by BNI members: how can someone stay in the grey? He frames the talk as a guide for members who want to be the worst they can possibly be in BNI, barely clinging on in their chapter and avoiding the actions that lead to results.

Darren explains that a grey member is someone with 29 points or fewer on the BNI traffic lights. Once a member reaches 30 points, they move into the red, so anyone determined to stay grey must avoid collecting points.

The first area he discusses in the video is attendance. Darren explains that missing one meeting without a substitute does not immediately cost a member points. Missing a second meeting reduces the score, and missing a third meeting loses the full attendance points. He jokingly describes three absences as the “sweet spot” for staying grey, while warning that four unauthorised absences could lead to a member’s category being opened and the member potentially being asked to leave the chapter.

He then moves on to training. Darren warns members, again sarcastically, to be careful about attending online or face-to-face training events, or listening to official BNI podcasts and logging them as training. He explains that regular training can earn traffic light points, but more importantly, it helps members educate others on how to refer them. It can also lead to referrals being passed and received. Darren shares that he once gained a long-term client from a training event, using this as an example of why training is so valuable.

The next topic is one-to-ones. Darren explains that doing regular one-to-ones can quickly add points to a member’s traffic light score. Weekly one-to-ones can generate a strong score, while even one per month still contributes points. More importantly, he points out that one-to-ones allow members to learn how to refer one another and teach others how to refer them. This, naturally, leads to more referrals and more business — precisely what a “grey member” would need to avoid.

Darren then discusses referrals. He explains that passing referrals can earn up to 25 points on the traffic lights, which makes it almost impossible to remain grey. Members who regularly pass referrals are supporting others in the chapter, creating business and becoming more valuable members of the group.

He also touches on Thank You for the Business, explaining that this can add further points when referrals turn into actual business. However, he jokes that members who avoid training, one-to-ones and referrals will not need to worry about this, because they are unlikely to generate any business in the first place.

Finally, Darren looks at visitors. He explains that bringing visitors can quickly move a member out of grey, especially if one of those visitors joins the chapter. Visitors generate points and becoming a sponsor adds bonus points, meaning that inviting guests is one of the fastest ways to improve a member’s traffic light score.

The talk concludes by reinforcing the central message: members who attend meetings, do training, have one-to-ones, pass referrals, receive Thank You for the Business and invite visitors have very little chance of staying grey. The humour makes the message memorable, but the lesson is clear. BNI rewards activity, contribution and engagement.

Darren’s Education Slot is a sharp reminder that members get out of BNI what they put in. To stay grey, a member must avoid the activities that create success. To succeed, they simply need to do the opposite.

Full Transcript

00:13
A question I always get asked by BNI members is, “Darren, how can I stay in the grey? How can I be a grey member on the traffic lights, be right at the bottom of the traffic lights, and barely cling on in the chapter? How can I be the worst member I could possibly be in BNI?”

So, I thought I’d do an Education Slot on how you can do that. How you can stay in the grey. Because staying in the grey is actually very difficult. It is very difficult because it’s so easy to climb out of the grey and get into the amber or get into the red. It’s too easy to fall into that trap.

So, I want to give you an Education Slot right now on how you can stay a grey member.

00:59
First of all, you’re a grey member if you are 29 points or lower. If you hit 30 points, as soon as you hit 30 points, you go into the red and you want to be very careful to avoid that trap.

So, how can you remain 29 points or lower?

01:16
First off, absences. If you don’t turn up to a meeting, you don’t lose any points. You don’t lose any points at all. BNI has done it so that you can miss a meeting without a substitute and still not lose any points.

So, you’ve got to be very, very careful here. You want to be missing at least one, two, or three meetings. You need to miss three meetings to lose 10 points on your scoring system, because if you don’t turn up to one meeting, you don’t lose anything.

You’ve still got 10 points. You’ve got 10 points for turning up. If you miss a second meeting, you lose five points, so you only get five. If you miss a third meeting, you lose 10 points. And that’s what you want to do. You want to lose those 10 points.

If you miss a fourth meeting, well, your category could be opened up and you could be asked to leave the chapter. And that is, in all likelihood, what would happen. So, you probably want to avoid having four unauthorised absences, but three is the sweet spot.

Three is going to lose you those 10 points, so you don’t risk getting out of the grey and getting into the red. So, that’s the first thing that you want to do.

02:16
The next thing is the training. Be very, very careful with training because if you turn up to training, if you go to online training events, if you go to face-to-face training events, if you listen to official BNI podcasts and you record them as training, you are very, very, very carefully likely to come out of the grey.

So, be careful about that because if you do one hour’s training every two weeks, you get 10 points. Oof. If you add that with your points you get for turning up to meetings, that’s 20 points just for showing up.

So, be very, very careful about that. You don’t want to be doing that. So, you want to make sure that you don’t do one hour’s training every two weeks, because if you do trainings, you might also end up educating your fellow members on how to refer you.

You might end up passing referrals at training events or even — and this is a worst-case scenario — you might get referrals at training events. I’ve been to training events before and I’ve had referrals. We’ve had a client that was with us for seven or eight years that I met at a training event many, many years ago in Cheshire West.

Be very careful about going to training events because it’s going to get you points on the traffic lights. It’s going to help you pass referrals and you’re probably going to get referrals as well. So, watch out for those training events. Don’t be doing those.

03:34
The next thing you want to be careful with is your one-to-ones. This is really, really tricky because if you do at least one one-to-one every week, you’re going to get 20 points on the traffic lights. And as we know, 30 points gets you out of the grey.

So, if you start having one-to-ones, you’re not going to stay in the grey. You’re not going to be a grey member by having one-to-ones.

So, if you have one-to-ones every single week, you’re going to be on 20 points. If you have about three a month, you’ll be on about 15 points. One every two weeks, 10 points. And if you do one a month, bare minimum, that’s five points.

So really, you want to be sticking to that or lower. Lower than one a month will help you stay nicely in the grey because you don’t want to be climbing out into the red and the amber. And heaven forbid, you don’t want to be in the green. Nobody wants to be in the green.

You want to stay a nice grey member with no points, no work, no business, no referrals. That’s why you join BNI.

How can I be a grey member? Darren, this is how you can be a grey member.

As remember as well, if you start having one-to-ones, you’re going to find out how to refer your fellow members and you’re going to start passing referrals. If you start passing referrals, you’re going to get Thank You for the Business. And that’s a whole other problem we’re going to come on to in a moment.

And of course, as discussed, if you start having one-to-ones, you’re going to start teaching your fellow members how to refer you. They’re going to give you referrals. You’re going to get work. Nobody wants that. That’s not why we join BNI at all.

So, don’t turn up to meetings, but don’t miss more than four because if you miss four, you might get kicked out of the chapter. Don’t turn up to meetings. Don’t do training. Don’t go to one-to-ones because if you do all of that, you’re not going to be a grey member.

05:18
And then there’s referrals. This is a really tricky one because you can get up to 25 points on the traffic lights for passing referrals. And that’s just five points away from being in the red. And nobody wants that, remember.

So, if you pass over 1.2 or so referrals per week, then you are going to be on 25 points and you stand no chance, no chance, of being in the grey if you’re passing that many referrals.

One a week is about 20 points and then it scales down from there. So, if you’re passing out referrals, if you’re giving other members business, there’s no way you’re going to be a grey member. So, you’ve got to be careful about that.

05:52
Thank You for the Business. Now, this only gets you a maximum of five points, thankfully. But if you start passing out referrals that turn into business and people log Thank You for the Business, that’s going to get you up to five points on the traffic lights.

But don’t worry, if you’re not going to training, if you’re not doing one-to-ones, if you’re not passing referrals, then you don’t have to worry about Thank You for the Business because it’s just not going to be an issue. You’re not going to get those pesky points which are going to get you out of the grey, and you don’t want that. You don’t want that.

06:24
Now, visitors. This again is where it gets really, really tricky because if you start bringing visitors, you could end up out of the grey just on visitors. Let me explain.

If you bring up to five visitors in a six-month period — five, that’s all you’ve got to do, it’s really, really difficult to avoid doing that — if you bring up to five visitors in a six-month period, and one of them joins, you become that member’s sponsor. That gets you a bonus five points.

So those five visitors get you 25 points. If one of them joins, that’s another five points. That’s 30 points. You’re already out of the grey. So whatever you do, don’t start bringing visitors. That is absolutely critical. I can’t stress that enough.

07:06
So, if you start going to training, if you start doing one-to-ones, if you’re turning up to all of the meetings, if you’re passing referrals and you’re getting Thank You for the Business for that, if you’re bringing visitors and they start joining, you have got no chance, no chance, of staying a grey member.

So follow the tips I’ve given you here and you will stay nicely grey, nicely at the bottom of the traffic lights, and not have to worry about all of the business that you’ll be getting as a result of being in the red or the amber or, heaven forbid, a green member in BNI.