In a recent BNI Education Slot, Zoe Devenport tackled a topic many members can relate to: the hesitation around asking senior or long-standing members for a 121.
She began by humorously demonstrating the inner dialogue that often holds people back: doubts about being valuable enough, worries about coming across as “salesy,” and fears of rejection. This lighthearted moment set the stage for a deeper reflection.
Zoe shared her own experience of having a member admit after their first 121 that they had been nervous to ask her, thinking she might be “scary” because of her experience in the chapter. While she found the comment surprising, she acknowledged how easily senior members can unintentionally appear intimidating.
But Zoe also reminded the group that newer members are just as valuable to meet with. Sometimes, they may have unexpected connections that could open doors for your business.
Her advice was clear: don’t let fear, assumptions, or timing hold you back. Simply ask. If someone says “no,” it usually means “not right now,” not “never.”
The message to all members, new and seasoned alike, is that every relationship has potential, and building them starts with just one simple step: asking for the 121.
Full Transcript
(00:00) About two or three years ago, there was a member in this chapter who I had my first one-to-one with. At the end of the meeting, he sat down and said, “Oh, I thought you were going to be really scary.”
I’m behind with my one-to-ones in BNI… What if they say no? Maybe they’re not interested or too busy. What would they want from me? I don’t have anything valuable to offer. They’re more successful than me. I’ll be wasting their time. I need a perfect reason to meet them first. I should wait until I have a better idea or offer. How do I even ask without sounding salesy? What if I embarrass myself? What if the conversation goes nowhere? I don’t want to bother them. They probably won’t be interested. They might think I’m only after business. BNI is all about selling, not genuine relationships. I’m not good at this. Maybe I should avoid asking the leadership team — they’re intimidating. Perhaps I should just ask a new member. But will I look pushy or needy? Maybe… Zoe? Should I ask Zoe?
(01:21) Oh, for goodness’ sake, just ask her!
Ray: Will you give me one? One-to-one-to-one?
Zoe: I’d love to have a one-to-one with you.
Ray: Wonderful, thank you.
So why did we just do that? In a couple of our committee meetings, we’d been discussing the number of one-to-ones happening. What you just saw was Ray’s brain running overtime about asking me for a one-to-one.
(01:50) About two or three years ago, a member told me after our first one-to-one, “I thought you were going to be really scary.” And I thought — what? I’m not scary! But sometimes, if you’ve been in BNI a long time, newer members can find you intimidating. They know you’re busy, they know you run a business, and that might make them hesitant to approach you.
(02:14) But it also works the other way. If you’re a new member, you might wonder who the “best” people in the room are to have a one-to-one with. You might assume it’s the long-standing members. But actually, you never know who knows who. A newer member might surprise you and open up a valuable part of your network.
(02:42) So, what stops us from asking for a one-to-one? Is it that someone’s been in BNI a long time? Do you think they’re intimidating, too busy, or not interested? Or maybe you hesitate with newer members because you don’t want to bombard them while they’re getting started.
But the truth is simple: just ask. If they can fit you in, they will. And what’s the worst thing they can say? “No.” And usually, when someone says no, it doesn’t mean no, I don’t want a one-to-one. It just means not right now.
(03:11)
Ray: Yeah, that was my brain in overtime.
Zoe: Your massive brain. Thank you.
[Music]
Subscribe for the latest BNI Education Slots
